convenience.

Instead of sending a huge, server-crashing email with many attachments, I decided to create a simple blog with my writing samples as posts. They are more or less in chronological order. All interviews conducted by Megan Biss.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

 

Feature: Step Aside, Reality's Coming Through

"Step Aside, Reality's Coming Through" Euphorix Magazine debut, June 2005 (now offline, can be Googled but unfortunately you will get a link to a dead server)

A typical women’s magazine sells for a cover price of $3.99. One doesn’t even need a calculator to find that, after years of habitual readership, that amounts to hundreds of dollars. I won’t go into what I could’ve spent the money on because I’m a glass-half-full kind of girl. Instead I ask: What wisdom have I gleaned from such magazines as Cosmo, Marie Claire, and Glamour in exchange for my hard-earned money?

- The pros and cons of every hair-removal method known to man…10 times over because the same article runs every June.
- The previously suggested $200 Ralph Lauren poncho I could ill afford now makes me look like a desperately out-of-date overgrown hobo.
- Twenty-five different names for what is basically the missionary position. Horizonal mambo, anyone?
- How to pop-psychologize my way through a faceless career simply known as The Office.
- How to feel good naked while staring at the 110 pound bombshell whose picture is ran with the article.
- Exactly what kind of friend, lover, risk-taker and coworker I am in 10 oversimplified quiz questions. Mostly As? Hallelujah! I’m a Bodaciously Bold Babe!
- Just how many strangers will clue me in if I’ve “accidentally” tucked my skirt into my pantyhose.

After years of such great insight, you’d think I’d be prettier, thinner, smarter and enlightened. But aside from a desire to throw my back issues of Cosmo into the fireplace, I’ve got nothing to show except a brain that cannot possibly hold any more useless information.

Variations on the same articles can only mean one thing: the information was forgettable the first time. Either that or they think we’re too wrapped up in this season’s must-have lipgloss to notice.

Running self-esteem articles with advertisements and photo shoots of impossibly beautiful women can only mean one thing: the mighty advertising dollar is what truly reigns supreme. Either that or they think we are too sluggish from calorie deprivation to notice.

Ladies, it’s time to graduate from the school of dumbed-down alliteration, meaningless man advice, and nicknaming sex “booty.” The old standard for women’s magazines is what needs to be schooled.

Comments: Post a Comment



<< Home

Archives

August 2006   November 2006  

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?